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Personal Influence Skills

* This article is a modified version of Unit 5 of FEMA's Independent Study Course IS-240 Leadership and Influence.

We influence others through our leadership skills, through effective balancing of inquiry and advocacy, through trust-building behaviors, and by being able to communicate change effectively. Your ability to influence others is also enhanced by effective communication skills, including:

• Effective public speaking and interviewing skills.
• Active listening. 
• Attending and encouraging. 
• Paraphrasing. 
• Reflecting feelings. 
• Distinguishing between emotion and content.

Negotiating Agreement 
Another important skill area in building influence relationships is reacting skills: the ability to react appropriately to another person's point of view after you understand it. The ability to react effectively is important because influence relationships develop when both parties feel that their ideas are important to the other. Reacting effectively encourages open communication and trust.

Typically, there are three gut reactions you may have to someone's idea or suggestion:

• Agree 
• Disagree 
• Think of ways to enhance the idea

Agreeing. If you like the person's idea, say so. But make sure you state both what you like and why you like it. For example, you might say, "I like your idea of . . . because . . . ." By communicating the value the idea has for you (i.e., why you like it), you give the person additional reinforcement for offering the idea.

Constructive Disagreement. When people suggest ideas, they hope their ideas will be liked. But that isn't always the case. Sometimes the response is disagreement. However, people often find it difficult to state their disagreement. Either they don't want to hurt the person's feelings, or they don't like to say "no," or they don't know how to say "no" diplomatically.

The result is that they sometimes take inappropriate actions, such as postponing giving an answer, going along with an unacceptable idea, or implying that the disagreement stems from someone else (e.g., "I don't think they will let us do that"). However, if disagreement is not handled correctly, the person can become defensive or the possibility of future discussions may be dampened. The self-esteem of the person should be a major concern.

If your reaction is that you see value in the idea but have some reservations (agree with parts and disagree with others), use constructive disagreement. Here's how:

1. Identify the value. For example, you might say, "What I like about your idea is . . . ." If you listened carefully, you'll understand both the idea and why the person thinks it's a good one. Identifying the value in the idea lets the person know you are listening, which will help the person hear your concerns. 
2. Explain your reservations. For example, you might say, "What concerns me is . . . ," or "These are the things that would need to be overcome." Make sure you're specific and clear. And avoid the tendency to jump prematurely to your reservations. Express the value first! 
3. Discuss alternatives. Talk about ways to retain the value while eliminating reservations. The goal is to modify the original idea so that it is acceptable to both of you. The modifications can come from you or from the other person (i.e., either ask for or offer suggestions). If you offer a suggestion, ask the other person for his or her reaction to it. This keeps the conversation as a two-way dialogue.

Building on Ideas. When your reaction to someone's suggestion is that it stimulates your thinking about the idea and ways to enhance it, you have an opportunity to build on ideas--to add value to the original idea. This does not mean just offering a new idea of your own. There are two steps in this process.

1. Acknowledge the connection. First, acknowledge the connection between the person's idea and what you are about to say. For example, you might begin, "What you said about . . . ." This lets the person know you were listening and gives them credit for the initial idea in the building process. 
2. Add value. Modify the original idea to add value to it (e.g., suggest additional reasons why the idea is a good one or ways to make the idea even better).

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